5 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (March 8)
4. Dana Warrior Sets Forth Her Credentials For The WWE Creative Team
Dana Warrior, who is on WWE’s books to enable the monetisation of her husband’s legacy, is crazier than a sh*thouse rat.
And it’s funny crazy, not ‘You can’t say that because it’s problematic’ crazy; it is a craziness warped by the stupid entitlement of pure privilege, and it is this precise entitlement that has seen Dana somehow successfully request a spot on WWE’s creative team.
A bizarre development in itself, Dana has blogged about her suitability for the role. Dana has apparently “been a writer from earliest memory,” and “identifies as a writer”. You can almost hear Warrior roaring from beyond the grave “Goddamnit Dana, you identify AS A WOMAN because your BIOLOGY DETERMINES IT.”
Let’s analyse select excerpts from Dana’s blog, a total f*cking nightmare of syntax, punctuation and grammar, to determine said suitability. Let’s just say that she is certainly her husband’s wife.
“I have been a writer from earliest memory. I would sit in my apple green playroom, folding paper, creating makeshift books in which to pour my thoughts. Word upon word, layered with illustrations, created unending volumes all my OWN.”
So, to put tense issues aside for a moment, she doodled. We all did that.
“I was humbled in a physical way: I literally sunk to my knees in tears, so honoured by your faith, or more truly, overwhelmed by your belief.”
See? Crazier than a sh*thouse rat. But this is promising; this could very well be one of those dorky promos every babyface cuts after they win a title.
“Some exciting opportunities are before me now. They make me laugh and cry with excitement…stand to full height with purpose. Will there be those who try to shake my confidence, sure?”
Who wrote this, Charlie Kelly?!
“Will there by unexpected naysayers questioning my chops, d*mn straight there will be! I’ll not permit another’s lack of support fill me with weakness or doubt. My track record of taking things on and slaying them to pretty pink ribbon is pretty gold glitter standard.”
Right, so she grasps rudimentary wordplay, and this, sadly, is the only qualification required.
Realistically, she could probably help script Nikki Cross—but beyond that, unless WWE is looking for a meaningless void of words to pad out three hours of TV a night, she’s best served doing something else.