5 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (Nov 2)
2. Cancer = Heat
Imagine you’re a doctor.
You happen upon some filming taking place at your workplace. You are temporarily taken aback at the sheer beauty of it all. A group of seriously ill children—what a grim oxymoron that is, one that in itself destroys faith—recover your faith with brave support of their seriously ill hero. “You got this, Roman” they say. “We’re with you, Roman.” One child, in a Shield t-shirt, holds up a sign, and reveals that Roman is his hero. Your nostrils f*cking sting. This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be, but it is subversively beautiful because of it: heroic superstar athletes are supposed to make a confusing and cruel world coherent for the innocent children who live up to them. Here, in a great, unifying leveller, these kids, battling cancer, inspired the adult with their strength.
“This is wonderful,” you say. “I’m sure Roman will use this footage to inspire his own recovery.”
Vince McMahon lets out a throaty, sleazy chuckle in response.
“I’m sure he will, quite frankly. Be that as it may, I will repurpose this footage to get my next heel prospect over.”
But not just Ambrose. This is Romansploitation season, baby. Everybody gets in on the, erm, fun. In the opening segment, Baron Corbin sneered in Roman’s direction, and expressed his hope that he never comes back to RAW. At this rate, we’re a week away from some undercard goof dressing up in a hospital gown with a drip to mock him. Maybe Dean Ambrose will charge into a local medical faciilty and plonk Roman on the head with a bedpan.
If you think that’s a joke, it’s exponentially more likely than WWE not using cancer to get a heel over.