5 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (Oct 13)

3. Good Grief

Neville WWE
WWE.com

Well, bad grief, really. Like masturbating over a dead porn star.

Kalisto is your new WWE Cruiserweight Champion. Not because he’s the most talented guy in the division. Not because he’s the fan’s choice. Not because he’s the most charismatic. No, WWE has finally, after a four-year stint, worked out how to use him as an adequate replacement for Rey Mysterio.

“I am a bit like Rey Mysterio,” is what Kalisto might as well have tweeted this week. “I am of Hispanic descent, and I wrestle under a mask, replicas of which you will now ask your parents to buy.” In a WWE.com exclusive, Kalisto also dedicated his victory to Eddie Guerrero. The thing about WWE is that it fosters cynicism. If that in itself is a cynical statement, and disrespectful to the Guerrero legacy Kalisto is clearly and somewhat touchingly in thrall to, I’d like to remind you that Eddie cannot hear your protests all the way down in f*cking hell.

Replacing a legend isn’t as easy as indulging in a bit of cosplay, as Rick Bognar discovered to his cost. Kalisto is essentially the Fake Rey Mysterio at this point. He can do good lucha things, but he cannot replace Mysterio as a key demographic draw. In an industry with a history of Bognars, Renegades, Asyas, Powers of Pains, and Goldbergs* - how hard is it to realise that this shortcut sh*t does not and will not ever work?

* N.B. The original article incorrectly stated that Ryback was inspired by Goldberg. It has since been brought to our attention that WCW used Ryback as inspiration. We apologise for the oversight.

Contributor
Contributor

Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and current Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!