6 Ups And 5 Downs From WWE Raw (March 6)

4. ‘We Don’t Care About You’

During the past couple weeks, this column warned about what would happen if Austin Theory got in the ring with John Cena and went into a promo battle with an unloaded mic.

And as predicted, Cena murdered him. But this wasn’t the kind of back-and-forth affair where you’re just waiting to hear Theory retort later on. He was straight-up murked by the truth.

Cena didn’t even need to fudge anything. He called Theory a generic kid in fancy sneakers wearing sunglasses indoors who was a pair of trunks away from being a jabroni. He said no one cares about him, that Austin has been given tons of opportunities and done nothing with them because he has no heart or soul. He looks like the prototypical WWE superstar executives love, but no one cares about him.

And folks, where’s the lie?

Worse, the best Theory could manage in response was a bald joke, which Cena countered with “I’d much rather be bald than have them pipe in fake crowd noise for my matches.”

So why is this an “up”? Because anyone with a brain knew Cena was going to shred Theory without having to break a sweat, so it was fun to just watch him take Vince McMahon’s former pet project and embarrass him on national TV. Even if he beats Cena in 30 seconds at WrestleMania, Theory’s already lost this feud, and WWE has no one to blame but themselves for putting this match together.

Just enjoy the Cena nostalgia tour and truth-telling show for all it’s worth.