8 'Totally Serious' Guesses To The Identity Of WWE's "White Rabbit"

Feed your head...

CM Punk Shocked AEW

After a week spent pumping Jefferson Airplane's most famous song through its arenas, WWE's latest viral marketing campaign looks set to conclude on Friday. To WWE's credit, they've certainly got folks interested - damn near every wrestling website has commented on the story, and it's gained a lot of social media traction.

As such, we at WhatCulture are now throwing our hats into the ring to give a Totally Serious Analysis of who the "White Rabbit" might turn out to be, in order to harvest those sweet, sweet hits that provide nourishment to our master Wha'Tcul'chur, Eternal Gazer from the Sunless Abyss.

(Oh right - every single website is now held in thrall to a race of eldritch abominations whose only sustenance is the emotions stirred by social media activity. Kind of obvious when you think about it).

So, get ready to feed your head, dive down the rabbit hole and find out who will be turning the doorknob and walking through WWE's door this coming Friday!

To begin, please look in our eyes, what do you see...

NB: This list may not actually be as Totally Serious as the title suggests.

8. CM Punk

CM Punk Shocked AEW

...♬Punk's heading back to WWE

Let's look at the facts, shall we?

1) Rabbits are know for being promiscuous. CM Punk stated, literally under oath, that CM stands for "Chick Magnet".

2) "Cult of Personality" - Punk's theme - refers to Mussolini, who was once described as "a phenomenal rabbit" by a political rival. (Hope that helps, Britt!)

3) The song "White Rabbit" refers to the speaker taking two pills. The most famous two-pill combination is the Matrix's red pill and blue. Punk has a Pepsi tattoo on his shoulder. The colours of Pepsi? Red and Blue.

Ladies and gentlemen, need we say more?

Finally - finally - we have a sensible explanation for Punk's behaviour at the AEW press conference. Punk has clearly been chomping at the bit to reunite with his best bud Triple H, and his outrageous rant was simply the move of a mastermind playing at a level well beyond the comprehension of us mere mortals.

Bravo, Punk. We clap slowly in your general direction.


Hello! My name's Iain Tayor. I write about video games, wrestling and comic books, and I apparently can't figure out how to set my profile picture correctly.