If WWE Was Being Honest About Seth Rollins: Part 2

He wasn’t done, nah dawg; he doubled down on looking like a d*ckhead. He proceeded to stand up, and do this totally weird impression of Lesnar as a lumbering oaf with “beady little eyes” and a “big red head”, looking like a complete and utter prat. Words fail this comedy routine. He out-John Cena’d John Cena. He looked like he was retelling the legend of Bigfoot to a four year-old kid on a camping trip, as that nervous, frightened four year-old first became aware of the failings of the heroic father.

He tried to get a catchphrase over—“Godzilla-looking bastard, Notorious GLB,” as if it were a thing—and then sat down, far too pleased with himself.

He then dialled up looking like a d*ckhead by unleashing the following torrent of bullsh*t:

“Matter of fact, Brock Lesnar is a Seth Rollins wannabe.”

Nobody is a Seth Rollins wannabe, not least Brock Lesnar. Nobody wants to be Seth Rollins, which is a significant problem for an aspirational babyface character. Nobody even wants to be around him, gauging by those memes of the Kliq ruthlessly bantering him off. Everybody wanted to bash beer cans with Steve Austin. Everybody wanted to bash beer cans with Steve Austin on Monday night, 19 years removed from his prime.

You could almost see Vince McMahon acting this out to Rollins in the production meeting. You could almost hear Vince yukking as Rollins performed the bit right back at him, bellowing “That’s such good sh*t!”

What’s telling, and distressing, is that Vince—and it was f*cking Vince—conceived of this particular strain of promo on the biggest RAW of 2019. This was his big idea to get Rollins over in front of the inflated casual audience. The biggest audience of the year demanded such good sh*t. It’s a chilling thought, and the pitch froze an already cold character.

This was bad. Literally, inexcusably bad:

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