Royal Rumble By The Numbers WWE DON'T Want You To Know
7. 18:14
18:14 was the stupidly misjudged match length of Triple H Vs. Scott Steiner in 2003. Rather than task the timing of the match to noted math whizz Big Poppa Pump, who needed smoke and mirrors at this point in his career, WWE instead indulged the Cerebral Assassin with assassinating it.
Scott Steiner is many things. Off-the-charts athlete, ring gear fashionista, genuine innovator, unhinged mad man, real-life hard-case - but he was never once boring until January 19, 2003. Triple H portrayed him as boring and past-it in a deeply unflattering match as dynamic as Dynamic Dude Johnny Ace's vocal range. In the interests of stringent research, this match was re-watched in its entirety. That was the plan, anyway; the endeavour felt pointless after the 43rd worked punch Steiner threw at Trips in the first four minutes. As it unfolded, the cynicism became too unbearable. That cheeky tw*t Triple H spent an eternity selling, under the pretence of making Steiner look strong - knowing full well he was making the guy who invented the godd*mn Frankensteiner look like he had no imagination.
Or was that match length judged perfectly by a cynical, defensive Triple H?
It seems excessive, given the relatively straightforward task at hand, but it turns out that 18:14 is the exact time it takes to measure one's penis.