What WWE Really Thinks Is To Blame For Poor Ratings
It doesn’t matter that it is always made official, and that nothing is ever, ever scheduled for seg two. You can’t remember the last 15 minutes of your life, you imbecile, much less the last 20 years.
Throughout the match, because you were obviously not listening last week, when Robert Roode defeated Ricochet, Michael Cole told you exactly why you are to receive Ricochet as a potential Universal Champion. “Ricochet, launching himself with a moonsault from the corner of the ring! That’s one of the reasons Ricochet could perhaps be considered a favourite for the Money In The Bank Ladder match in a few weeks!”
“A taste of those aerial manoeuvres we’ve been hearing all about,” added Renee Young, on April 29, to describe a performer who had debuted on the February 18 RAW. You’ve heard about those aerial manoeuvres, because they have echoed around the dim recollection of your tiny, forgetful mind, but you have not seen them, because you are too stupid to remember to open your eyes once you have closed them.
“Ricochet is the man who redefined aerial combat!” Corey Graves blurted out, helpfully chewing your food so that you may digest it in manageable bite-size portions, since you are unable to swallow a hearty meal like a storyline with a side plate of character development.
It is Money In The Bank season. You know what that means. Yes, even you, you gibbering f*cking dipsh*t. It means that eight men and eight women will compete for the opportunity to become Mr. or Mrs. Money In The Bank, which entitles the holder to cash in at any time and any place of their choosing.
“And remember the object of the Money In The Bank Ladder match,” said Michael Cole, as RAW rolled on. “You set up a ladder, you climb up and grab the briefcase. Inside is a contract that you can cash in any place, any time, for a Championship Opportunity.”
Oh! Climb up a ladder!
See, if it were you, a halfwit, you’d have laid it on its side and used the one foot-high platform to leap up at the karabiner like the seal gratefully receiving fish that you are.
Stop nodding. You don’t get it, which is why WWE must repeat itself year after year after year. How can we convey to you what is going on here? These sports entertainers are competing in a ladder match.
You…you know what a ladder is, don’t you?
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