WrestleMania 33 Results Predictions
Will Bray retain? Will those huge metal palm trees act as lightning rods?
Yes! It's finally here! The weekend where wrestling fans are allowed to stop pretending they don't religiously watch the product, as dozens of their 'normal' friends suddenly become inexplicably and unbearably interested in a sport they deride for the other eleven months of the year! It's the 'Superbowl' of wrestling (the Superbowl being the 'WrestleMania' of gridiron), and everyone is buzzing about it.
Most importantly, everybody wants to know what's going to happen, because unlike movies or other sports without prescribed finishes, it's more exciting to know exactly what the outcome is in advance, for some reason. It makes the whinging process so much more efficient if one can do it before the event even transpires.
This year's extravaganza, whilst having a fairly uninspiring card with few stand-out contests and plenty of missed opportunities, does at least come with a barrel-load of unpredictability, in as far as its possible to keg up an abstract concept. That doesn't preclude two-penny psychics such as myself from trying to adumbrate the Orlando action, however.
Once again, let's gather up the animal livers and participate in a bit of haruspicy. No room for informed opinions at this inn!
13. Neville Battles Through Commercials To Retain
Despite the excellent work Neville has put into elevating the purple strap, it seems the company is determined to undermine their sub-205 lb division at every possible turn.
Even though the Geordie's tussle with commentator-turned-competitor Austin Aries has all the potential to steal the show at WrestleMania, it's been shunted to the kickoff presentation. Perhaps some didn't want to be upstaged...
In all likelihood, the cruiserweight clash won't have time to be a classic on the pre-show, and if it does get more than ten minutes, the bulk of those will be devoted to selling products rather than showcasing the pair's talents. Between the endless plugs and action-breaking ads, expect to see Neville emerge victorious to retain; there's more work for him to do with this title yet.
It could yet raise the roof - just a pity it'll be that of an empty arena.