Oh Christmas tree, thank you for being the second piece of my awesome party.
Oh Santino, how I have not missed you. At all. After being away for some time, the master of the Cobra returned to the Slammys to announce the winner of the LOL moment of the year...despite not ever having an LOL moment himself in his entire career. To the surprise of no one, Santino wore out his welcome with viewers fast, but not with management, which was why he came back to SmackDown to host a Christmas party that wrestlers must have been forced to attend. This wasnt just any old party, though, this one had a Christmas mystery! Ooooo! Who destroyed Santinos party? Because this person should win an award! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_axY-lhLkM Oh, it was The Ascension. Well, WWE then had their now strangely yearly tradition of the battle for Christmas. If The Ascension could beat Titus ONeil and Neville, then there would be no Christmas this year, somehow. If the faces won, then Christmas was saved for all! Is that match even legal? But before we knew who the real criminal was, Santino threatened them with this comment in a WWE.com exclusive promo.
Im going to poison them with things that make them have diarrhea. Then Im going to see who's going to be sitting on the toilet crying like a baby because theyre peeing out their bum.
Its quite the wonder why they didnt put material like this on air. Also of note at this party was WWE putting Neville in an elf hat. Get it? Because he has big ears and Vince is a schoolyard bully and thinks thats funny! This was the worst wrestling party since Mae Young gave birth to an adult Hornswoggle. Time to kick out.
As Rust Cohle from True Detective said "Life's barely long enough to get good at one thing. So be careful what you're good at."
Sadly, I can't solve a murder like Rust...or change a tire, or even tie a tie. But I do know all the lyrics to Hulk Hogan's "Real American" theme song and can easily name every Natural Born Thriller from the dying days of WCW. I was once ranked 21st in the United States in Tetris...on the Playstation 3 version...for about a week.
Follow along @AndrewSoucek and check out my podcast at wrestlingwithfriends.com
