WWE Royal Rumble 2019: Star Ratings For All 10 Matches
4. Women's Royal Rumble Match
"Remember Hornswoggle? Man, I thought that midget was funny," said Michael Hayes at Saturday morning's pre-Rumble production meeting.
"#MeToo, pal!" echoed Vince McMahon.
This is clearly the extent of Vince McMahon's knowledge on 2017's defining hashtag. If he had any awareness of all those things that happened, even from a reluctant PR perspective, he probably wouldn't have had Hornswoggle wiggle his eyebrows at Zelina Vega before chasing her up the entrance ramp to do...what, exactly? What was Hornswoggle going to do when he caught her?
Daniel Bryan must have shed a solitary tear backstage; not only was he lumbered with the subsequent death slot, he was made to look at an entire ring full of garbage for a good half an hour at least.
Clumsy, hesitant, bereft of real drama or heat and suffering from spluttering pacing issues, so much of the opening half of the match was played for laughs. The real joke was the on-the-nose layout. Suspiciously booked to guarantee a sort of neatness - the IIconics entered at #7 and #9, separated by gimmick crazy person Nikki Cross, this, for a long, tedious stretch, was an atrociously-worked novelty sh*t-show performed not on the Road to WrestleMania but the last leg of a draining European tour. It was ironic, too; it aimed for "neat", but unravelled far too often.
Tamina looked awful even by her standards. Iron Woman and apparent anchor Natalya did nothing of note, exposing her seniority. Beyond the sumptuously timed Mandy Rose/Naomi segment, creative Katy Catanzaro cameo and a popular and well-worked (if overwrought) finishing sequence, this was one of the worst Rumble matches of all time.
None of this matters, really - people will remember the finish and the result - but the palate cleanser could not quite remove the stench.
Star Rating: **