WWE TLC 2018: Star Ratings For All 12 Matches
11. KICKOFF: Elias Vs. Bobby Lashley - TLC Match
Consider how big Bobby Lashley is. Bobby Lashley is a godd*mn mountain of a man, something we are reminded of every Monday when his stupidly impressive musculature is literally paraded in front of us by his gnat of a hype man.
About a minute into this nothing match, Elias, who's hardly a jobber but is hardly an actual sculpture, either, very casually rolled through his opponent in order to engineer a Lio Rush run-in. Very simplistic babyface versus heel stuff complete with add-ons with no real consideration to the psychology of the dynamic, WWE, in one of several morbidly impressive feats, contrived to ruin Lashley's heel act quicker than they'd ruined his abysmal babyface reintroduction.
Lashley's heat spot looked brutal enough, and there was some creativity lacing it, too - but then Elias took a crunching chest-first ladder shot, and Lashley used another ladder to set up a far less dangerous weapon, as we took a commercial break, thus ruining suspension of disbelief. It was unforgivable - the Network is not beholden to sponsors, and why not cut short the forgettable panel twaddling? On the subject of which, as Lio Rush ran halfway up the ladder, Michael Cole shouted "And now Lio Rush - where's he goin'?"
Up the ladder, dipsh*t. He was already halfway up the motherf*cker. It's a minor complaint, but Cole's bullsh*t reeked more than usual on the night.
Consider this too: RAW, to an hysterical extent, ritually strengthens its heel performers - and on Sunday, its three most prominent male heel acts were soundly defeated. WWE can't even piss us off correctly, so best not get your hopes up for Vince's big shake up.
Star Rating: *3/4