The Crossing is easily the worst Iron Man story that Marvel editorial cleared to print, but the Mask In The Iron Man might be the silliest (not least of all because of its nonsensical attempt at a literary reference of a title). Tony Stark's armour has been used as a metaphor for everything for his eventual dependence on alcohol and Stark Industry's dark past in producing arms, but never before had it been used as an allegory for spousal abuse. Which is exactly what happened in Mask In The Iron Man. The storyline didn't mark the first time that Tony's armour gained sentience and went a bit wrong, and it wasn't the last, but it's certainly the most memorable. Iron Man's had his fair share of romances over the years, but anything that gets past one of the millionaire playboy's preferred one night stands usually ends in the poor girl in question dying, betraying him, or betraying him and then dying; no such issue when Tony's admirer is his own robotic armour. Struck by lightning - because Marvel Comics follow the rules of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein - the Iron Man armour comes to life and becomes dangerously obsessed with the man who no longer wants to be inside it. Then it witnesses some of Tony's one night stands and starts to get really jealous, eventually stranding him on a desert island to think about what he wants out of their relationship. During a battle whilst wearing a new form of his armour, the sentient suit acts like it's been cheated on, and like all break-ups the story ends with the armour sacrificing itself to save the man it loved. This may have been lost in the recounting of the Mask In The Iron Man's plot, but this is a story about a robot falling in love with his creator, except the robot is Iron Man and the creator is Tony Stark. It's as stupid, ridiculous and borderline distasteful as you're picturing, and you'll never read it because it's long out of print and definitely won't provide the basis for Iron Man 4.
Tom Baker is the Comics Editor at WhatCulture! He's heard all the Doctor Who jokes, but not many about Randall and Hopkirk. He also blogs at http://communibearsilostate.wordpress.com/
