3. "We Finally Got To The Boat, But It Wasn't There!" - House of the Dead
Uwe Boll movies are crafted entirely out of quotes written by crazy people, because Uwe Boll only works with crazy people. For that reason alone, I was kind of spoilt for choice when it came to selecting one for its inevitable place on the list, but ultimately I went for this one, because it perfectly showcases Boll's skill with dialogue cues that are both Godawful and illogical. That's to say, when one of his teenage characters blurts out "We finally got to the boat, but it wasn't there!", you know that Boll didn't read the script properly and never bothered to work out whether the lines made sense. And they don't. How could you get to it if it wasn't there? Duh!