3 - GI Joe (entire movie)
Before we talk about creative casting, I feel a need to say how extremely disappointing this movie was on all levels. I had high hopes that this movie would appeal to the people who actually played with GI Joes. You know ... those children that grew up into 30-somethings that write Internet articles. Instead, it pandered to the lowest age demographic at the expense of alienating everyone else. Whew. Now I feel better. Quickly: Brutish, brunette Channing Tatum plays the blonde-haired, All-American Duke Dennis Quaid plays General Hawk, but is dresses like Flint Marlon Wayans plays an African American Ripcord Karolina Kurkova plays Cover Girl, a vapid officer in the command center, rather than the cagey tank driver in the toy line. The Baroness was supposed to be European aristocrat, but instead became Cobra Commander's sister and former fiancee of Duke. This is starting to sound like Melrose Place. Destro's silver dome is no longer a mask, but a result of nanomites. Most disappointing, we lost the Barry White deepness of Destro's voice in the cartoon. Zartan is an over-weight Arnold Vosloo rather than a menacing saboteur and assassin. The maniacal and loquacious Cobra Commander was portrayed in the most rigid and mechanical manner by a boyishly charming Joseph Gordon-Levitt in perhaps the strangest casting of the entire movie. And Storm Shadow is played by an obviously Korean actor. You didn't think we'd notice, did you? At least, we'll always have Snake Eyes. Thank you, Ray Park.