1. The Wicker Man (2006)
No, not the completely unnerving and totally unforgettable '70s classic, but the pointless remake which decided that it should have Nicolas Cage right in the middle of it, running around like a freakin' maniac. There is so much to say about renowned playwright (I'm serious: he's a playwright) Neil LaBute's unbelievably tepid exercise in remaking something that has no business being remade, and although The Wicker Man has become famous since for its moments of unintentional comedy ("Not the bees!"), it's actually remarkable as to how the writer/director managed to craft something that lacks even a single moment of tension. The lack of "horror" inherent to this horror movie is absolutely appalling. Not one single scene ever approaches even the slightest scare or moment of unease. Cage has tried to excuse this movie recently as a knowing and ironic parody, but back when he set out to make it the man couldn't stop talking about how scary a movie they were intending to unleash upon the world. Instead of the horrorshow that Cage promised us, though, we get a slow-paced, uneventful and boring flick which has the actor racing around an island and going insane for 90 minutes (presumably in real life,too), kicking doors in, and occasionally punching women in the face. It's such an empty movie that it's kind of an accomplishment in itself. Not only does The Wicker Man fail to make sense at frequent turns (Cage's character is allergic to bees, and yet he continually wanders in and out of bee farms without a care in the world), but the story doesn't make sense. Weird things happen and are never explained. There's no reason for the things that occur to occur have occurred at all. Embrace this one for its surreal, accidently amusing moments, sure - but viewed free from the context of a YouTube compilation and seen in full, and you'll find that there's actually very little to celebrate here. And the lack of tension is, quite frankly, embarrassing.
Which movies have we missed? Let us know in the comments section below.