All a horror movie asks is that you get on its wavelength and enjoy it for what it is, although given alcohols mysterious ability to lower expectations, being good and loaded probably doesnt hurt either. Especially if youre watching a slasher directed by Greg Dark, the Michael Bay of porn, whos won awards from the X-Rated Critics Organization (Best Director The Devil In Miss Jones 3 & 4) and the Adult Film Association of America (Best Erotic Scene A Passage Through Pamela). Then youll have a real good time. Backed by World Wrestling Entertainment as a vehicle for teacher-turned-grappler Kane (real name: Glenn Jacobs), See No Evil casts the 6ft 10 Tor Johnson lookalike as Jacob Goodnight, one of those unstoppable killing machines with mom issues. He just happens to be holed up in The Blackwell Hotel when a bunch of delinquents are sent in on a cleaning assignment, but if you think this is a regular hotel without secret passageways and one-way glass, youre sadly mistaken. The film also answers a number of important questions: Should you take a shower when theres a killer on the loose? Would a dog eat a bimbo if his life depended on it? Also, if you keep a kid in a cage as punishment for playing with himself, will he become a librarian or a serial killer?
Ian Watson is the author of 'Midnight Movie Madness', a 600+ page guide to "bad" movies from 'Reefer Madness' to 'Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead.'
