8. Elliot Moore - The Happening
I could write numerous essays about why The Happening is god-awful but I admit this is mainly because I was tricked into seeing it. I knew it was directed by M. Night Shyamalan, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. What daring twist would he attempt in this film? I was ready for anything but the actual answer, that the bloody trees were doing it. One review called it "an incoherent and unconvincing trifle", which I disagree with as trifle is delicious. I digress, opinions aside for a moment, the hero of the piece is one Elliot Moore (Mark Wahlberg) who is a high school science teacher. He is really concerned about the reduced number of bees and what effect this will have on the world. That is about all the character development we get from him as we follow him around the country looking pleasantly surprised at everything going on. Look at the picture above before watching the film and prepare yourself to witness that face throughout its 90 minute run time, usually at very inappropriate points. At one point he talks to a tree before realizing it's plastic, asking it if he can use the toilet. I don't care if this segment was played for laughs, in the context of the wider narrative and Wahlberg's character up to this point it just comes off as tragic. The highlight of the whole film is where Elliot puts two and two together about the deadly toxin and he and his small group literally run away from the wind. I wish I was joking.