Who could possibly hope to beat John Rambo when it comes to murdering dozens (if not hundreds) more people than the supposed bad guys? Apparently only if you create a character explicitly to parody John Rambo. And have him played by Charlie Sheen. The original Hot Shots - for the most part a parody of the then-recent Top Gun - didn't have a heck of a lot of bloodshed, unless you count the unfortunate series of accidents suffered by one of Sheen's fellow pilots. When Topper Harley was carried over into Part Deux! of the series, however, things got a little more serious. As in, he started killing lots of people. According to the indispensable guide Movie Body Counts, Topper kills a whopping 103 people over the course of what is a pretty light, silly Airplane!-style romp through a bunch of movie parodies, with the Rambo series, Apocalypse Now, Platoon, and a bunch of other war films getting it in the neck (including Sheen's own dear papa, in possibly Martin's greatest screen appearance this side of The West Wing). Some of those deaths are suitably silly too, with chickens fired from a bow taking out at least one enemy combatant, and Saddam Hussein crushed by a falling piano during the finale. But then he also shoots a lot of people, and explodes a fair few, and kicks a dude's friggin' head off. That's hardcore! You have to go into the Commando deleted scenes to get anything close to that (Arnie hacking a guy's arm off and then clubbing him to death with it). Topper Harley is a confirmed imbecile and possible psychopath but, since he's our Rambo analogue, he's technically the hero of Hot Shots: Part Deux! He's also the biggest mass murderer in the history of cinema. Take a bow, Mr Sheen, and perhaps a shot of tiger blood to wash it down.
Tom Baker is the Comics Editor at WhatCulture! He's heard all the Doctor Who jokes, but not many about Randall and Hopkirk. He also blogs at http://communibearsilostate.wordpress.com/
