8. Jumanji
Jumanji was made back in 1995, at a time when it was still possible for children to find a board game, sit down and play it, and not get bored. When was the last time you actually saw a child playing a board game, and not because you made them at Christmas time or something? So presumably this modern take on the Robin Williams flick about a
jungle-themed board game that unleashes hell upon the inhabitants of a small East coast town will "update the action to the present" - not my words, but those of the people who've decided to remake it. I don't know what that means, exactly, given that the movie wasn't made in the '60s or anything, so we can only presume that they're coyly implying that Jumanji will be an app that the kids accidently download on iTunes or something. Anyway, despite the fact it's been 18 years since the original movie came out, my real question is: "Why?" Although
Jumanji isn't the greatest movie in the world, it kind of does what it sets out to do about as good as anybody could have expected for a movie about a time-travelling Robin Williams with a huge beard.
Will It Suck? Zach Helm, who wrote
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, is writing the script. You do the math. Can't be bothered? Okay, I'll do it for you: will suck.