10 Sarcastic Movie Pricks You Can't Help But Love
10. Hans Gruber - Die Hard
Very good, you've figured it out already.
Hans Gruber was the internationally-feared, wonderfully-sarcastic, crazy German operating a brilliantly camouflaged armed robbery. As the plans of his bank heist slowly unravel thanks to the valour of Mr Yippee-Kay-Ay himself, Gruber's humour plummets to new levels of disdain and despair. One of the more charismatic villains in Hollywood's blockbuster history, Gruber was so slick he was positively likeable.
There was all that superficial elegance of manners and wit, hiding the vicious temper and psychosis bubbling underneath. Gruber projected an honour-amongst-thieves, kind of gentleman's code too-he never really wanted to hurt anybody he just wanted a bumper Christmas this year; And it was surely Gruber's composure and finesse that he maintained (and struggled to maintain) in the midst of the chaos that gave us his most sizzling sarcasm- those dainty pleasantries he offered whilst dishing out his criminal threats.
Here's a few excerpts of the Gruber charm;
Gruber to the unfortunate Mr Takagi; "I will count to three. There will not be a four"
Gruber to hostages; "I wanted this to be professional. Efficient, adult, cooperative, not a lot to ask. Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way, so he won't be joining us for the rest of his life."
And when Gruber isn't merrily humming Beethovens Ode to Joy, delegating orders to his minions, reassuring hostages and offering Yuletide blessings ( now I have a machine gun-ho-ho-ho), he has time for those minor details of life.
"Nice Nice Suit. John Philips, London. I have two myself. Rumour has it Arafat buys his there too"