10 Things That Would Have Happened After 2015's Biggest Movies

5. Fifty Shades - Ana Stops Crying And Instead Has A 3 Week Hysterical Laughing Fit

Whilst the rain-soaked, grey-skied, look-at-me-I've-read-one-book-on-visual-metaphor ending of Fifty Shades of Grey was no more contrived and cringe-inducing as the two hours that preceded it, the ending still drew serious eye-rolling. After depicted the burgeoning romance between the dictionary definition of virginal come to life (adjective: pure; unsullied; untouched; characteristic of or befitting a virgin and also a complete idiot), and what amounted to a desperate sexual predator, we close with Anastasia Steele staring sorrowfully out of a window. However no sooner will the screen have faded to black, will that deep reminisce mean we rejoin our protagonist first cracking a smile, then letting out a titter, before finally erupting into a pant-wetting laughing fit that would last until she's either physically sedated or suffocates. You see, in spite of everything that's wrong with this film - and let's not mess about here, everything is wrong with this film - nothing was as bad as the dialogue. I'd go so far as to say that I would rather be subjected to any manner of sadomasochistic misadventure than read the source material. Nothing you threaten to insert into me could be more painful than this book - and I include the book itself in that. "Laters, baby"*sniggers*"Why is anyone the way they are? That's kind of hard to answer. Why do some people like cheese and other people hate it? Do you like cheese?"*laughs*"BECAUSE I'M FIFTY SHADES OF F****D UP!"*dies* Mind you, as soon as old Christian remembers that Ana came out with pearlers like "you mean your XBox?" when she heard he had a play room, he'll be doubled over as well.