10. Keanu Reeves Suntory Whiskey
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjyzpCw3ZP0 This advertisement for Suntory whiskey, the brand that Bill Murrays character was promoting in Lost In Translation, stars a Reeves with Dracula-levels of hair floppiness, so Im guessing its from around 1994. Playing out like a cross between a terrible perfume advert and one of those awesome Man From Milk Tray commercials from around the same time period, Reeves is playing dark and romantic piano when hes beset by a mysterious black cat that becomes a slinky woman in an LBD, a horrific cliché that dates it back to the nineties far more accurately than my admittedly encyclopaedic knowledge of Keanu Reeves hairstyles. Then he drinks some whiskey. Well, after an evening like that, so would I. Whats remarkable about this commercial is that Reeves face remains utterly immobile throughout, no matter what hes asked to do or no matter what emotion hes supposed to be conveying. Its the apotheosis of every wooden Reeves performance, and it looks like hes actually wearing a plastic Keanu Reeves mask. Maybe he is. Maybe he always has been. But which came first, the Reeves or the Reeves mask? And who modelled for the Reeves mask if Reeves has always been wearing a Reeves mask? Reeves himself? But why?! Mind. Blown.
Jack Morrell
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Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.
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