Why It Wasn't Scary: When the best part of the movie is an opening glimpse of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, you know you're in trouble. The characters are horribly grating stereotypes, the kills are totally unimaginative, and the movie misguidedly tries to make audiences root for Leatherface by having protagonist Heather (the lovely Alexandra Daddario) team up with him at the end of the movie because...he's her cousin!? It doesn't really make much sense and completely derails a movie that puts blood-letting ahead of building tension, which is the exact opposite approach of Tobe Hooper's scuzzy original. How To Improve It: Get rid of the gimmicky 3D, get Alexandra Daddario actually naked rather than almost naked (she did it in True Detective: what's the big deal?), and don't try to villainise the townsfolk too much while attempting to turn Leatherface into an anti-hero. Above all else, ditch the laughably awful ending and have Heather kill (or at least appear to kill) Leatherface at the end. Or better yet, just don't butcher a classic altogether by not making the film at all.
Stay at home dad who spends as much time teaching his kids the merits of Martin Scorsese as possible (against the missus' wishes).
General video game, TV and film nut. Occasional sports fan. Full time loon.
