5 Awesomely-Awful Arnold Schwarzenegger Films
2. Conan the Barbarian 1982
This film I will not apologize for thinking its awful save for Arnold. For a movie called Conan the Barbarian, there isnt much barbarian activity going down. I often refer to the film as Conan the Diplomat based on the amount of talking things out this film employs over traditional barbarian murder. Arnold plays the title character, Conan, a Cimmerian child whose parents are murdered and whom is later forced into slavery. Conan grows up big and strong, is eventually bought by someone else and trained to be a gladiator. Conan wins many pit-fights and enjoys the perks of being a pit-fighter. One of my favorite scenes in the film is when Arnold is caged up and his master brings him a beautiful naked woman to be intimate with. The woman looks terrified and Arnold seems unsure what to do. I like to imagine that this is also how the producers of the movie kept Arnold happy on set: bringing terrified girls to his trailer. Conan eventually adventures across the land and comes face-to-face with the man who killed his parents. In true Arnold fashion, he disposes of the man quickly before the film fast forwards, showing Conan, now a King, sitting on a throne. While we never got Conan the King, we did get a much better sequel entitle Conan the Destroyer, which on the DVD commentary of the first film, Arnold forgot they made. Defining Moment of Awesome-Awfulness Before punching a reindeer in Jingle All The Way, Arnold was no stranger to punching the crap out of animals. In Conan the Barbarian, a drunken Conan wanders over to the stables and punches a camel in the face. A camel. In the face. The camel wasnt even starting any trouble.