2. Titano
While a Kryptonite-empowered King Kong sounds cool... actually, no, what am I saying? I can't even pretend that there are any redeeming qualities to this character. Titano is a blatant rip-off of King Kong - even the artwork on the cover of one of his early appearances admits as much. He was once a normal, but uniquely intelligent chimpanzee called Toto. Lois Lane befriended him at a charity get-together when she cleaned some pie from his face, which had been accidentally thrown at him by a slapstick comic. Toto was then selected to participate in an experimental week-long space rocket mission. While in space, a Kryptonite meteor collided with a passing Uranium meteor and the radiation from the combined elements drifted across Toto's space pod, altering Toto's genetic structure in the process. When the pod returned to Earth, Toto was seemingly unaffected by the radiation. However, moments after exiting the pod, his size and strength grew to epic proportions. Lois Lane was again present, reporting on the return, and Toto recognised her. In a moment stolen straight from King Kong, he picked her up and climbed the Daily Planet building, prompting Superman in to action. Of course, Titano's Kryptonite eye-beams (sigh) proved problematic to the Man of Steel, but Lois tricked Titano in to putting on a pair of lead-lined, giant glasses (again, sigh), which blocked his eye-beams and allowed Superman to get to her. You can see why this wouldn't work in a movie, right?