5. Swept Away (2002) - Guy Richie's Desert Island Rom-Com (Starring His Wife)
When somebody says Guy Ritchie, chances are you think of one of his London-based gangster movies, about gangstery men doing gangstery things, and saying stuff in cockney accents. What you probably don't think about? Swept Away, a little movie that Guy Ritchie made after the success of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch, presumably because he had gone temporarily insane, or because Madonna made him do it. Based on his filmography, I genuinely can't imagine a director less-suited to helming a full-on rom-com than Guy Ritchie. And yet here we are, living in a world where this movie actually exists. And there are no gangsters or funky soundtrack cues or moments of amusing violence to be found in this venture. The plot of Swept Away is about as lame as you'd expect for a movie with that title, and basically involves Madonna, reading her lines like she was just unthawed from a glacier, and some guy named Adriano Giannini, becoming stranded on a desert island. It's terrible. I don't know who had a chat with Ritchie and thought: "This guy knows romance," but he should be punished.