Brett Ratner Is Still Directing Movies

There are certain people born to work in the movie business. Steven Spielberg, for instance, was born with emulsion in his veins. It would be hard to imagine Marlon Brando or Meryl Streep working at Citgo or the local grocery store. And some, like Drew Barrymore, simply had to be in Hollywood by virtue of their heritage. But mostly Hollywood is filled with people who are much better at networking than they are at any creative aspect of filmmaking. These leeches have easy smiles, nice skin, and open, agreeable attitudes. They succeed in the Hollywood game based on hard-to-quantify personal characteristics, rather than creatively-important aspects like talent, vision, or basic competence. One pure example of this type of Hollywood salesman is the infamous Brett Ratner. Look at that guy. He looks like an older Jake Gyllenhaal, friendly and inviting. He seems like the kind of guy you'd pound beers with at a bar while watching football or (preferrably) baseball. By all accounts, Ratner is a damn cool guy. But he's a piss-poor director. However, despite his glaring lack of talent, Ratner has managed to weasel his way into directing some very expensive tentpole films for major studios ... which he then destroyed utterly. How can someone so completely lost behind a camera be trusted so implicitly time and time again? While very talented directors labor in poverty and obscurity, Ratner directs $150 million dollar films, lives in a mansion, fucks models, and goes to the Oscars. Millions of Americans are out of work, yet Brett Ratner remains employable. It's staggering to contemplate. Just think of the huge films he has helmed. RUSH HOUR, RUSH HOUR 2, and RUSH HOUR 3. X-MEN: THE LAST STAND. RED DRAGON. THE FAMILY MAN. These films had major stars, huge budgets, and flashy advertising campaigns. Even though films like X-MEN: THE LAST STAND showed Ratner's inability to cohesively direct action (or even day-to-night shots), he continues to find high-profile work. Ratner's roach-like ability to survive the Hollywood game has now secured him yet another deal to "direct" yet another film. Our favorite Michael Bay Lite is now the front-runner to direct the upcoming Milli Vanilli biopic. A hack making a movie about two phonies. Sounds like a joke, doesn't it? But the joke is really on us, and Ratner is laughing all the way to the bank.