3. Annie Porter - Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)
All of the things that made the first Speed great are missing in the sequel. Sandra Bullock is the only remaining cast member from the first film (except for a very weird cameo from a boat owner), and the film is centered on her character's relationship with a new boyfriend named Alex. Clearly Keanu didn't want to sign up for a sequel, which led to Jason Patric being cast as her latest beau. The movie takes place on a cheesy cruise ship, complete with terrible island music. William Dafoe, who is just about the only redeeming quality in this movie, has hijacked the ship. It is then steered towards an oil tanker and set for collision. There are three major grievances I have with this film. Firstly, the film opens with Bullock taking a driving exam. She is failing miserably much to the displeasure of driving certifier Tim Conway (whose cameo is admittedly pretty funny). Now, didn't we just watch an entire movie based on Bullock's driving competence? Isn't the entire first movie about her driving a bus? Why is she so hilariously terrible at driving a vehicle? It makes no sense. Secondly, they spend most of their time avoiding blowing up the oil tanker and then it blows up anyway when William Dafoe flies his plane into the side of it. Seems to make the whole first part of the movie pointless. Finally, it's really, really boring. It's actually hard to watch because it's so long and nothing interesting happens. Bullock's character is no longer the strong hero we fell in love with in the first film - she's just an annoying damsel in distress.