THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE Rims Morality And Decency

It seems that only two far-too-short weeks have passed since I nearly lost my lunch over Serbian Film, which was, at the time, molesting innocent minds and turning queasy stomachs at the SXSW film festival. One would think that humanity, upon witnessing that moral atrocity, would have stepped back from the brink of societal ruin and drawn up plans for the restoration of order and goodwill. The fact that Armageddon did not start immediately following its premiere at SXSW is the best evidence against the existence of God. God, if you're actually up there, you'd better tell those Horsemen to saddle up. The rancid cesspool excavated in the center of human consciousness by Serbian Film hadn't even had a chance to fester before another film showed up with a larger shovel. The film in question, The Human Centipede, has a plot device so horrid and unspeakably vile that I'm almost numb and moved to inaction. I cannot type the description, so I'll let the boys from Arrow In The Head provide the colorful details:

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE is an unconventional €“ and medically accurate -- biological horror film that enthusiastically explores territory that few filmmakers dare to tread. When two pretty American girls go on a road trip in Europe, they end up alone at night in Germany with a broken car in the woods. They search for help and find an isolated villa, and awake the next day to find themselves trapped in a terrifying makeshift basement hospital. Their captor is the internationally respected Siamese twin surgeon Dr. Josef Heiter with a demented vision for mankind's future existence. Dr. Heiter wants to remove human beings' kneecaps so they have to exist on all fours and then surgically graft them mouth-to-anus to form a centipede chain. But when his victims give him more trouble than he expects €“ including unwanted attention from the authorities - Dr. Heiter is forced to decide whether to abandon his latest project, or protect it from the outside world €“ with their and his very lives, if necessary.

Awesome, ain't it? Invite grandma, grandpa, and the kids over for a great time at the movies! To really get you salivating for the release of this film, our friends at Arrow In The Head also have some exclusive diagrams from the film that illustrate the mechanism by which people are grafted together to form this revolting chain. Below is one of these images; go to their site to view the rest if you want to remove the last vestiges of goodness from your bruised personalities. I have traditionally had a strong stomach and a fairly raunchy sense of humor, but stuff like this turns me into a Puritan pretty quickly. My first disturbing question - why would anyone think of this idea? - is quickly replaced by a more reasonable one: why make this? Films are not necessarily supposed to enrich the culture or teach people meaningful lessons or even uplift someone who's feelin' blue, but it seems to me that they should at least serve as some sort of noninvasive entertainment. Who but the sickest and most unnecessary members of society could this film touch or inspire or entertain? The only redeeming aspect of the film for me is its metaphorical depiction of the entertainment cycle in America. We consume something, and then it's fed back to us again and again until we're eating our own feces. Of course, I came up with that on my own, and is not the intention of the filmmakers; they just want to gross people out. Congratulations on achieving your life's deepest ambitions, boys! The poster below is intended to trick unsuspecting audiences by deceptively concealing the true nature of the film with clever graphics. Do not be misled. The film is being distributed by IFC on April 30, 2010, competing against the likes of the highly-anticipated Nightmare on Elm Street remake. Hopefully this thing dies a quick death and disappears before it gives someone a bad idea. Like making a sequel. Special thanks to Alex Riviello over at CHUD.