Commando
The Movie: This may be the ultimate Man Movie of all time. Arnold definitely has the best character name he ever had, playing Jon Matrix. It also certainly has the best movie villain of all time. Move over Lex Luthor, get lost Agent smith, this is the film that pitted Arnold Vernon Wells as Bennett! The perfect combination of the gurning, the moustache and the chainmail proved to be the ultimate threat to Schwarzenegger in a movie where Arnold is perhaps his most unstoppable. In most other films the plot of this movie would have been different. A man has his daughter kidnapped, and in order to get her back is sent off on a mission to carry out a political assassination in the fictional Val Verde. Great! How will John Matrix get out of this situation, save his daughter and save the president at the end?! Simple he never goes to Val Verde, instead choosing to kill his watchdog on the plane and stay in America to rescue his daughter. If it had been Jack Bauer set to this task we know hed have spent a full day roaming around South America before saving his daughter. In addition to the baddie sat next to him on the plane, Schwarzenegger also kills other bad guys who arent immediate threats to him in cold blooded fashion. Its actually really funny watching Schwarzenegger dispatch the bad guy who informs him that his daughter has been kidnapped. The villain smoothly tells Matrix that If he wants his kid back, hes better co-operate. Right? Arnold simply states Wrong! and blows the guy away. He did this before he found out even the most basic of details from this non combatant. Things like who has his daughter, why, or where theyre taking her are all skipped in favour of putting a shot gun shell through his forehead. Priceless.
What It Says About You: You picked this film because you can relate to getting a job done with no nonsense. If you get up in the morning and theres no milk for your Sugar Puffs you will find some and you wont let bricks and mortar, man or beast get in your way. If an old lady blocks your reach into the fridge at Asda you scream Get down! and she down she will get. You think the 80s was the high point for action and hate when anyone mentions the Matrix. For you real action was about actual stunts and not special effects. Also you would never fully trust a man with a moustache. Or Australians. Or especially Australians with a moustache. You like that The Rock and Chris Hemsworth are bringing muscle back to the silver screen, because you hated all this smaller but deadly crap that came about with the Kiefer Sutherland and Keanu Reeves. You'd shake Jason Statham by the hand, but you expect that you could break it off.
Soundbite: Enough talk. Now die!
Favourite Non Arnie Movies: Predators, Kill Bill, X-Men, Anything with Chuck Norris.