6. You Don't Care About DLC
NOW AVAILABLE! A jesters hat for your Terminator for the low, low price of 300 simoleons. Hurry! Act now! For a limited time only! Okay, okay Clarkey, don't panic ... Just do the maths: whats that in
real dollars? Joke, lol. Like it matters. You won't bite. Why? Because its impractical, it doesnt amuse you, and you dont
know anyone whod be amused by you running around a multiplayer map in your titanium birthday suit wearing a jesters hat like Harley Quinn in tin-foil drag. That is to say, you dont know anyone under twenty-three. Youre too grumpy for gimmicks. Funny is re-runs of Seinfeld (prior to the final season, when it got all post-modern circle-jerky). Funny is a thirteen year-old kid on the other side of the world, trussed up in 3200 XBLA points of virtua-merch sobbing into his mic thanks to the elegiac way his sterling silver barbute was picked up by your ACOG-equipped M4. But '
Daniel,' I hear you cry, 'what about the story extensions, the spin-offs, the side-quests?' Kid, I'll tell ya what about 'em: mo money, mo time, mo problems. DLC: Deluded Lemmings Club. Get it? . We out.