Get within a few feet of someone and they almost inevitably will chat to you about the current goings on, give you some handy advice on how to control your body or - as is often the case - say something that has absolutely nothing to do with anything whatsoever. If you keep going, they may something else, or alternatively break at the end of their sentence and get stuck on a loop where they say the same mindless drivel over and over again. Just hope they don't ask if you understood what they said; there's a chance you might accidentally say no and they'll say it all again....very slowly.
14. Ninja Monsters
Perhaps you should have went to Specsavers before going on your adventure, because no matter how hard you try, you're constantly being snuck up on by monsters. These wily creatures can conceal themselves behind the smallest of rocks, the most pathetic of grassy sections or simply walk directly up to you and you, without fail, won't see them until you're forced to do battle. Inexplicably, monsters' ninja powers tend to fade once engaged.
Dan Curtis is approximately one-half videogame knowledge, and the other half inexplicable Geordie accent. He's also one quarter of the Factory Sealed Retro Gaming podcast.
