10 Artists Who Could Headline Glastonbury 2015

2. Iron Maiden

EMIEMICurrent Odds: 7-1 One of the more tiresome aspects of Metallica becoming the first metal act to headline Glastonbury is that it seems to have lit a fuse in the small collective imagination of the music press. As surely as night follows day, the immediate favourites to headline the festival next year are 80's stalwarts and Bill S. Preston Esq. favourites, Iron Maiden. The bookies soon followed, offering prices as low as 7-1 on the thrash metal Nutella following suit. This is all despite a quite opaque criticism of the festival by frontman Bruce Dickinson only a fortnight ago. Pulling on his huffy pants at the prospect of Metallica detracting attention from Iron Maiden's appearance at Sonisphere, the unspeakable fool grumbled that Glasto had become "too bourgeois" and that he "will leave the middle classes to do Glastonbury". Presumably while he busies himself burning all evidence of his privately-schooled education. Dickinson has been known to pout dramatically before executing a 360 degree turn at the drop of a hat. You can safely bet that if Eavis came calling, the band would shoehorn themselves onto the Pyramid Stage with indecent haste. Whether that actually happens or not depends upon whether Eavis is willing to have a hard rock band headline two years in a row, but you know what they say about how often bookies are wrong...
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I am a freelance writer, currently residing in Newcastle Upon Tyne, England. I was raised by wolves in the woodlands of Northumberland, but am still posher than Colin Firth having dinner with The Queen. I write all of my pieces by swallowing a cocktail of scrabble tiles and vodka, then regurgitating them over my jotter. Hope this explains the typos.