10 Least Festive Christmas Songs Ever
5. Joni Mitchell - River
The opening melody of Joni Mitchell’s River is Jingle Bells in a minor key and she opens by telling us, “It’s coming on Christmas, they’re cutting down trees/They’re putting up reindeer, singing songs of joy and peace.”
So far, so festive but things soon take a turn for the melancholy and never turn back...
River is an utterly miserable song of heartbreak and regret. There’s no redemption here, no lessons learned, festive forgiveness or romantic reunion in time for a kiss under the mistletoe.
Instead, Joni wants to escape down some imagined river because, “I’m selfish and I’m sad/now I’ve lost the best baby/that I’ve ever had.” This one still gets dragged out every Christmas for fear anyone might be getting too jolly.