10 Most Bizarre Ways To Become Famous

Moving on from the pinnacle of human achievement: please allow me to introduce you to Nadya Suleman, also known as ‘the Octomom’.

If you avoid those horrendous weekly magazines you see at supermarket checkouts and all forms of faux-celebrity gossip, you may not have heard of Ms. Suleman. Apologies, but I’m going to ruin all that good work for you now: Nadya Denise Doud-Suleman gave birth to a set of octuplets in January 2009, only the second time it’s been managed in American history, and then used that remarkable fact as a springboard into a once-in-a-lifetime career as a media pariah and cultural scapegoat.

The public’s warm, tender feelings towards Ms. Suleman and her eight sproglets turned to cruel winter upon the revelation that she was unemployed, on benefits, had six other children, and had conceived them all via in vitro fertilisation (IVF).

Over the next eighteen months or so, the Octomom (octomom, does whatever an octoc… no, that’s awful) proceeded to embark upon a series of terrible talk show appearances and reality TV shows so self-flagellatingly cringeworthy and repulsive that people on harrowing vision quests have suffered less, and they get hung up by their nipples and such.

Amid accusations of plastic surgery and welfare fraud, Suleman declared bankruptcy and embarked on the seemingly obligatory career in cheap-!*$% pornography a few years ago. The floor’s the limit, it seems!

The Octomom’s octokids are now seven years old. Rumours that, together, they possess the vast psychic power necessary to open a gateway to Hell have been produced from thin air for the purposes of this sentence.