1. That Time The Waist Was Just Too Damn Big And It Was Like Wearing A Big Bit Of Loose Elastic
No matter what the size indications are on the packaging of tights, they never quite live up to what they're meant to be. A size small means the crotch of the tights is literally around your thighs, and you're forever trying to stretch them out inconspicuously in order to create more nylon to cover your entire behind, rather than the bottom two thirds of it. Even worse is when you buy a large, thinking they'll be great - they can hold your stomach in and act like Spanx. And then you put them on and it's like wearing a big slinky bin bag around your waist. You can tie a knot in the back of them, or you can try cutting them down to size and loosing the elastic waist: either way, it's going to be a tights disaster. Why can't it just be July so you don't have to worry about tights for another four months?
I love Stephen King and music festivals; I eat my toast upside down; I daydream about getting married probably a bit too much; and I wish every day for a pet sausage dog puppy (who never materialises – sob).
