Weddings are part of a 64 year old tradition of hype, shock and shameless stunt pulling perpetrated by networks in a final desperate grasp for audience viewing. It is the excrement or bi-product of an arcane monster we've dubbed sweepsweek. Like the biblical deluge that began with a single wave announcing the reversal and rebirth of creation, sweeps week is a networks way of seeing what will stick around and what will be dispensed with. It comes four times a year, in February, May, July, and November and lasts a total of 16 weeks per year. The ratings garnered at this time will be used to determine how much local advertisers (as opposed to national advertisers) will pay for a chunk of the 2 4 minute slot allotted to them. The short story goes; in an average half hour series, about twenty-two minutes will be allocated to the show, while six minutes will be given to national advertisers. This means huge corporations like Talk Boy, Net Zero and Chia Pet (I haven't watched television since Y2K) fight for a thirty second spot within those six minutes. The remaining two minutes are given to Local advertisers, like the road safety group of Vermont... With so much money in the balance, clever show runners have, year after year, come up with new and ingenious ways to grab our attention. The "wedding" is probably the most flaunted and overused of these tactics. They're big, they're happy, and everybody's involved... So let's celebrate the 10 Most Memorable Television Weddings Ever. Televisions have been around forever, literally, since the dawn of modern man, or so I'm told. And ever since television, everybody's pulled a wedding episode or two. From Seinfeld, to the Royal Family of England, everybody's in on the hustle. With so much to cover in so little time, a certain selection had to be made and naturally some notables got left out. From the 50's to modern times, from hour long drama's to half hour sitcoms, from animation, to 90's teen programming, we'll explore the widest range possible, thereby probably alienating everybody. That's just how it's gonna be folks, online articles are no place for making friends... So, in "celebration of all that is false and specious and irrational and sentimental in this ailing and morally compromised world." let's begin in the early 50's.
Unpublished author, unproduced screenwriter, un-enacted playwright & director for higher (currently waiting by the phone), Guillaume Parisien sometimes writes puff pieces for the pop-culture indulgent in order to support his vices; of which there are many.
