10 Worst Wrestling Storylines Right Now
"I'm bored of you, so let's convince people to watch you and I fight."
WWE too often tells stories like a certain Sheamus signature move.
With the thudding repetition of those Beats of the Bodhrán, WWE engineers an intriguing set up and tends to set up a thrilling and resounding inciting incident or dynamic. And then those same story beats keep coming, thudding us across the chest with the same point, over and over again.
Ricochet is a real-life superhero. Becky Lynch needs to repay an old debt. It's all about Lana. Roman Reigns is a dog. With shrivelled testicles. Drew McIntyre is going to WrestleMania, and must point at the sign every week, which might count as a running gag, but still. Aleister Black wants to pick a fight with somebody, or wants somebody to pick a fight with him. That might count as two beats! Seth Rollins is here to save us and lead us into a new era. Tommaso Ciampa wants Goldie back. Kevin Owens wants to just keep fighting. Keith Lee is a game-changer. Lacey Evans is a real woman. Shorty G is small, all of the time.
The Road to WrestleMania often highlights this; the big matches are set-up in advance, because there's an actual plan at this time of the year, but a plan is mostly just a premise...
10. Kip Sabian Vs. Joey Janela
A blot on AEW Dynamite's otherwise sumptuous 2020 form, Kip Sabian Vs. Joey Janela has a WWE main roster vibe about it.
Vibes, plural: there's a cute quality to it, in that it stems from reality, but that isn't enough to make it interesting. It's not directly similar to Daniel Bryan Vs. Big Cass, at all, but there's an echo to it. There is a source of conflict to explore, but exploring it yields counterproductive results. The story began when Janela's real-life ex Penelope Ford struck him with a low blow on January 1. She and new beau Kip Sabian are tormenting Janela for no discernible reason, echoing also Lana and Bobby Lashley. Janela and Ford have appeared onscreen together in AEW, but the thrust of the story is badly underdeveloped - only the most dedicated of fans are aware of a story that has been poorly adapted to TV - and the beats are pure WWE.
On the Jericho cruise, Sabian and Ford emerged by the entrance ramp to kiss, distracting Janela in a rotten main roster special of a finish. The angle on January 29 was far better - the above sight gag was inspired - but what does this do for Janela?
The man is a creative maniac depicted on national television as a guy whose girlfriend cheated on him.