7 Match Star Ratings For WWE WrestleMania 37 - Night 1

3. Braun Strowman Vs. Shane McMahon - Steel Cage Match

Cesaro Seth Rollins
WWE.com

In a shocking turn of events, Shane out-smarted that thick bastard Braun Strowman who was dumb enough to pick a Steel Cage match as the stipulation. You braindead sh*thead, Braun, have you never watched WWE? You should know that they invariably do not put a stop to interference, but rather encourage it!

For quite a boring f*ck-this while, this was every Steel Cage and every cat-and-mouse match you've ever seen wrapped up in one profusely sweating package. There was much climbing involved, because scaling a vertical face is less stupid than opening a door, and Shane at one point hit Braun with a weird metal contraption of some kind.

The Coast to Coast is always worth a pop. It's hard to be a d*ck about. And inexplicably, this match doubled as the Vince-McMahon-j*zzes-in-chair meme.

Coast to Coast.

*Casually impressed*.

Cage wall ripped open.

*Eyes bulging in appreciation*

Shane McMahon bounces off the mat, he hits the f*cking thing that hard after being tossed 10 feet lol.

*Falls backwards from chair to floor*

Braun then executed the running power slam to his corpse to win.

Ultimately, Shane McMahon bumped like Marjorine from South Park. You could feel his insides oozing through his ribcage.

How could you possibly hate that really quite well-built slice of dumb, fun sports entertainment?

Star Rating: ★★★¼

Contributor
Contributor

Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and current Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!