7 Match Star Ratings For WWE WrestleMania Backlash

Beyond the somewhat intricate Roman Reigns Vs. Cesaro programme - WWE, with a shocking level of competence, measured Cesaro's threat against the recent Bloodline saga twist rather well - the build to WrestleMania Backlash was atrocious.

In pointless matches - Braun Strowman and Drew McIntyre were already determined as #1 contenders - WWE fulfilled the inconvenience of their most lucrative revenue stream by running through various combinations in singles. None of these matches had a finish nor any real purpose. The idea was that Strowman might be tempted to team up with Lashley. Building a handicap match on TV is even more boring than building a Triple Threat.

Bayley and Bianca Belair said some words at each other than nobody will ever hope to remember in a month purely because Bayley was about the only PPV-calibre challenger not named Sasha Banks that WWE has bothered to build in a year.

Damian Priest - a 38 year-old Bart Simpson - hucked tomatoes at the Miz. Charlotte Flair just sort of asked for a title match and received it in order to challenge Rhea Ripley, who of course had just sort of asked for a title match and received it at WrestleMania. Also Asuka was there because Charlotte can't lose.

The build sucked. Always does.

But the show...?

There wasn't a great deal to this.

Ricochet wore jeans, and not some ambitious and now sadly ironic superhero get-up, which made him look slightly less of a dork. But then he looked like a massive geek in the post-match, so he might as well have dusted off his Arm-Fall-Off-Boy get-up.

The match was a Kickoff match designed to get Sheamus over. When it flirted with actually realising the amazing potential of the pairing, we glimpsed how a competent company might book this match, from a distance and through a smudged window. The last narrow Brogue Kick counter from the 630 senton attempt was briefly exhilarating. Briefly. Then the match ended.

Seriously: what the f*ck is it with babyfaces in WWE? Why are they such little t*ssers, man? Is it because Vince McMahon is such a garbage human being that he can no longer recognise, much less promote, good characteristics?

Ricochet lost clean in the middle and spat his dummy in the post-match. He tried to steal Sheamus' hat, which would have looked lame, and it looked lamer because it fell off immediately. I'll show you, Ricochet seemed to convey...by wearing the hat beloved of "m'lady" creeps, for like one second.

He then put the hat and coat back on, did a little dance with a punch-me-square-in-the-f*cking-nose facial expression, and scarpered out of the ring. What a complete d*ck. Just the worst person alive.

And you were meant to be amused by this!

Star Rating: ★★½