The whole premise of Elseworlds tale JLA: The Nail spawns from one small change in DC history that has a huge effect on the universe, as Ma and Pa Kent's truck suffers a burst tire from the titular nail, meaning they never discover and raise the baby they were supposed to stumble across in a crashed spaceship. Instead of becoming Clark Kent and, later, Superman, the baby is found by an Amish couple and grows up...well, Amish, completely cut off from modern society. So instead of becoming humanity's greatest champion, nobody knows that the Man of Steel even exists. As a result of this the Justice League is a rag-tag band of heroes who bicker all the time without their courageous leader, and face being ostracised by a populace who have been whipped into an anti-superhero frenzy by Daily Planet editor Perry White. Everything gets worse from there, as mayor Lex Luthor teams up with bitter, crippled ex-hero Green Arrow to take down a team they assume are alien invaders, Luthor grafting Kryptonian DNA he found in Kal-El's empty spaceship to Jimmy Olsen, creating a Bizarro Superman clone with all of his powers. Eventually evil Olsen's battle with the Justice League stumbles into an Amish community near Metropolis, where he is stopped from killing Batman by...Kal-El, who sadly doesn't have one of those cool chin-strap beards that his male elders sport, but is wearing a straw hat and old-timey clothing in place of his blue-and-red tights. It turns out he still has all his Superman powers, he's just lived a life shunning modern society and tending fields instead of saving lives. Which is hilarious and also a bit selfish. We would've loved to see Superman's Rumspringa.
Tom Baker is the Comics Editor at WhatCulture! He's heard all the Doctor Who jokes, but not many about Randall and Hopkirk. He also blogs at http://communibearsilostate.wordpress.com/
