Batman has an unrivalled selection of bad guys, a rogues gallery to be envious of. Just off the top of our heads there's The Joker, Riddler, Two-Face, Catwoman, Poison Ivy, Bane, Killer Croc, The Penguin...those are villains that any superhero would kill to have! Not Batman, though. Because he doesn't kill. Also because he also has a bunch of really terrible enemies that nobody ever talks about, like Alice in Wonderland-obsessed child molester the Mad Hatter, Russian cyborg KGBeast and Crazy Quilt who was in a horrible accident which meant he could only see really bright colours. These losers don't get much love, so keep them in your thoughts during this trying holiday.
20. Adopt Some Orphans
The quote actually comes from Most Excellent Superbat, the Japanese teen crimefighter inspired by his Gotham-based hero, but it applies to Bruce Wayne as well. He may not be a metahuman, but Batman has the greatest power of all: he is so rich he can do anything. Which includes not only all that equipment and rubber pants but also the ability to keep adopting orphans without anybody questioning it, or why they keep dying or moving away, or why they always turn up when Batman switches Robins. If it works for him, though, it could work for you. Go to your local orphanage and pick out a new ward today!
19. Remember How Mint Batman Of The Future Was
It was really, really good you guys. Better known as Batman Beyond every else in the world (we guess here in the UK we need our titles super literal), this animated series set in a Blade Runner-esque Gotham City of the future left Bruce Wayne as an elderly curmudgeon training up the young Terry McGinnis to take his place as a cutting-edge Dark Knight in a cool new suit full of fancy new gadgets. The way the series sort of ended Bruce's story on a positive note, and included descendants of classic villains and characters in a logical way, was rather nice. Plus it had that sweet Bruce Timm style again, so we're more than happy to see the characters and setting recently return in comic book form.
18. Watch The Second Best Batman Film
Back to the Animated Series, we suppose, to wax lyrical about what is actually the second best Batman film of all time (after the Adam West one and above the Nolan films, keep up). Spun off from the nineties cartoon, Mask Of The Phantasm is one of the strongest on-screen depictions of the Dark Knight ever made, the lack of TV censors adding a degree of brutality to this tragic love story-cum-thriller of Bruce Wayne falling in love with a girl who might just be the spooky vigilante Phantasm who's been floating around Gotham chopping up bad guys...with The Joker at the top of her list. Atmospheric, dramatic and with a proper blockbuster climax.
17. Enjoy Brave And The Bold
The other end of the spectrum to the Animated Series was Batman: The Brave And The Bold, a show that finished airing a couple of years ago but lives on in our hearts (and Netflix queue). Not quality wise, since both cartoons are amongst our favourites of all time, but in terms of the tone - almost as a reaction to the previous Batman animations and recent films Brave And The Bold was a brash, colourful and fun-loving series which saw the not-so-Dark-Knight teaming up with a series of B-list DC heroes to go on exciting, fast-paced adventures. It was witty, silly and just plain entertaining. And we mourn its demise to this day.
16. Try And Understand Batman: Odyssey
Neal Adams is probably the definitive Batman artist. Not Bob Kane, not Frank Miller, definitely not Tony S Daniel. Adams redefined the character during the seventies, when the overwhelming public view of the Caped Crusader was sixties camp - the artist brought back the brooding darkness, and gave his outfit an overhaul that has since become the closest to a "main" costume the notoriously fickle Batman ever got close to. Great an artist though Adams is, however, his writing leaves a little to be desired. Case in point: Batman Odyssey, a 12-issue limited series he wrote and drew and is among the most insane comic books we've ever laid our eyes upon. Seriously. It makes Final Crisis look like a Biff, Chip and Kipper book. We're not even sure a full day is enough to understand Bruce Wayne's LSD trip.
15. Argue That Michael Keaton Was The Best Screen Batman
Now this you probably don't need a full day for. You've got it in the bag. You got this. Keaton is the best Bruce Wayne, you tell a friend that would find this opinion the most objectionable. Dig your heels in. Make your case slowly and clearly. He's a bit short, admittedly, but he imbued the role with an eccentricity befitting a billionaire suffering from childhood trauma who likes playing dress up. Remember when he slept upside down? Amazing! Watch the steam pour from your friend's ears. Never mention that you actually do believe Keaton was the best Batman. That is your darkest secret. Even on Batman Day, it must never be revealed.
Tom Baker is the Comics Editor at WhatCulture! He's heard all the Doctor Who jokes, but not many about Randall and Hopkirk. He also blogs at http://communibearsilostate.wordpress.com/
