10 Excruciatingly Bad Films You Should Die Before You See

From Citizen Kane to Pulp Fiction, the mainstays of the AFI’s Top 100 lists continue to dazzle us with their flawless casts, immaculate scripts and flamboyant direction. But enough with the critical adoration already.

Far more interesting, at least from the perspective of those of us who enjoy a good train wreck, is IMDb’s bottom 100, which is at least voted for by actual moviegoers. Unlike the AFI list, whose #1 changes once every fifty years or so, the bottom 100 is an ever-changing line-up with a common theme: every film is among the most tiresome pictures you’re ever likely to sit through.

It’s the natural home for all those backyard monster movies, bungled comedies and asinine kiddie flicks that stream for free on Amazon or Netflix, the DOA duds that were disowned by those who made them and will end up being parodied by Rifftrax.

The list reflects trends and release schedules, so at the height of Uwe Boll’s infamy almost all of his films made the list, of which only two – House Of The Dead and Alone In The Dark – remain. In light of recent events, expect Hulk Hogan’s Santa With Muscles to take up residence in the top ten.

To follow, you will find 10 of the most unendurable time-wasters anyone ever paid to see. Patrons should not request refunds as refusal may offend. 

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that Paris Hilton was 'hot', which he followed by giving her the lead role in The Hottie And The Nottie, a would-be comedy The Village Voice called “crass, shrill, disingenuous, tawdry, mean-spirited, vulgar, idiotic, boring, slapdash, half-assed and very, very unfunny.”

Hilton's BFF is a 'nottie' (tombstone teeth, a facial mole, an infected toenail etc.), but apparently you can't get into a hottie's pants unless her nottie likes you - it's a law of physics or something. So one prospective suitor attempts to get into the nottie's good graces, which leads to much 'hilarious' banter about hirsute females as well as scenes where strangers gag in the poor girl’s presence.

But guess what? This she-hulk does something with her hair and instantly becomes eye candy, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are a shallow and superficial species who must for the love of God be wiped off the face of the planet.