10 Movies Everyone Wished Were WAY Crazier

This entry applies to all three Fifty Shades movies, in fairness. When it was announced that E. L. James' best-selling erotic Twilight fanfic was being adapted into a movie trilogy, many speculated on just how explicit they would be.

After all, this is a major Hollywood production distributed by Universal and starring actual actors - how graphic could it possibly get?

Even so, there was hope that Fifty Shades of Grey would be a sex-positive erotic drama that delivered some gratuitous titillation to the hugely underserved cinematic demographic of horny middle-aged women.

Yet all three movies are shockingly tame affairs where smut is concerned, featuring around 15-20 minutes of disappointingly tasteful, not-explicit fornication that scarcely gets the pulse racing for any but the most demure of viewers.

Frankly, this is a franchise that needed full-frontal male nudity - its target audience deserved that, as well as more adventurous and involved sex scenes, rather than the aggressively anodyne cinematic rutting we ended up with.

Basically, Universal produced a trilogy of pathetically softcore porn films that seemed bafflingly embarrassed of their own reason for existing. Give the people what they want, dammit.