5. We Want An Award Show Every Week
Look, we know you guys love to tout yourselves - how could we not? Between The Oscars, Screen Actors Guild, Golden Globes, Writers Guild, Spirit Awards, Producers Guild, People's Choice, Hanks Awards Emporium and whatever other random award shows you come up with, it is hard NOT to know how much in love with themselves Hollywood is. Even those of us who enjoy award shows are sick of this obsessive self-congratulatory nonsense. How many times do you need to be told you're special or that your red carpet outfit is just so fetch? Trust us, we get it - so-and-so gave a breath-taking performance, whatshername was outstanding despite her age, etc etc. There simply do not need to be 14 different speeches throughout a 3 month period to let us know that. Try this as a proposal: cut the docket down to 2 award shows, The Golden Globes and The Oscars, and get rid of everything else. The Oscars get to stay because quite simply they ARE the gold standard of award shows. Even in off years, it has the classiest presentation and deepest respect for film of any award coverage currently out there. And the Golden Globes gets to stay simply because they are fun and entertaining: when half of your recipient's are intoxicated one hour in, that's entertainment! If Hollywood would simply decrease the sheer number of award shows, they would see ratings skyrocket, as well as our general respect for your overall pretentiousness will climb. Get to it.