It's the cinematic experience that's taking audiences across its knee and lightly smacking them a few times to titters and giggles, the debatably anticipated adaptation of E.L. James' Fifty Shades of Grey has arrived in theatres worldwide. Just like Rosé is simply wine for people who don't actually drink wine, and the band Pendulum are drum and bass for people who don't actually listen to drum and bass, Fifty Shades has brought BDSM to an audience who once attended an Ann Summers party, laughed awkwardly at everything in the catalogue, and still have the free sachet of lubricant at the back of a drawer two years later. Despite every critic taking their own personal riding crop to both the script and the story, audiences have flocked to see it en masse and given it one of the largest opening weekends in movie history. That might not make sense, but then again nothing about Fifty Shades of Grey does. Although it's never claimed to be a classic example of literary brilliance, even by fan-fiction standards Fifty Shades is about as riddled with massive gaping holes as a pair of old fishnet tights - the characters, the circumstances, the reasoning, even the way everyone talks makes it steadily more ridiculous the deeper your go. Find something to bite down on, you're about to delve into the hilarious world of Fifty Shades' plot holes.