These Film Villains SUCK!
1. The Aliens - Signs
And speaking of M. Night Shamalan, why not finish by talking about Signs one of his most divisive films since....well his last divisive film Glass. M. Night is a man who does setup extremely well, he's a man who can take even the most silly of premises (and often does) and make them feel so uncomfotably strange that the beg to be viewed.
However, across nearly all of his films there is a huge issue with dialogue, it's delivery and of course those infamous endings. And here in Signs, we get the holy trifecta of bizarre all of which culminates in a supreme alien force being taken down by some tap water.
The aliens in question are never explained when it comes to motivations or goals, but they are treated like some immensely powerful invading force capable of destroying all we hold dear. It's a shame then that they are utterly useless.
For a start their design is so unbelievably lazy that it's a genuine surprise that none of the characters crease up with laughter each time they see them. Honestly the aliens from South Park Season 1 are looking more detailed. And their physical qualities aren't exactly knocking it of the park either, being taken down by a bad and of course....being locked in a bloody cupboard.
This. This alien travelled light years on a craft of unimaginable construction, arrived on Earth using methods far beyond our intelligence. And was rendered USELESS by a 2 inch thick bit of wood. Kang and Kotos running from that board with a nail in was a joke M. Night, not a !*$% jumping off point for your creatures.
And we have to talk about it. The water. The bane of these would be E.T's for H2O burns through them like wet bread. Why would you attack a planet with over 70% water on it's surface. How would you not know that it comprises the backbone of our existence, and that if falls from the sky 365 days a goddam year if you live in England. It feels like a massive oversight which makes the entire race look abysmally stupid.
I tell you it's a film which causes Jeremy my neck vein to flare up and that's a sign I'm about to have a !*$% heart attack. Swing and a miss my friend.