10 Annoying Narrative Video Game Clichés That Need To Die

3. Escort Agency

The fact that we're still being force-fed escort missions tells us one thing: developers just don't listen to us. Because if they did, they would know that no one likes the damn things. We didn't ask for them, and we don't want them. They're bloody hard to avoid though, as they have been rammed down our throats across all the major action genres from real-time strategy to open-world adventures. If you're a game writer, here's a little tip that you probably didn't already know: we have absolutely no interest in dragging some halfwitted, defenceless knob behind us while we're trying to save the world. It's a horrible way to try to add diversity to a tepid narrative. Yes, we're all for a bit of variety, but piggybacking a mewling toddler through a (not) abandoned dungeon is not what we had in mind. It's meant to add a sense of emotional weight, and they've got it half right: It's a weight, alright, but more like having a chain and anchor around your neck pulling you down. That's all it is - a drag. It's always a doctor or scientist or schoolgirl who needs to be escorted to safety, and, without exception, these bewildered, fragile idiots like nothing more than to get stuck behind a stack of crates, stuck at the top of a ladder, or dead at the bottom of a swimming pool. The people who plop these joyless missions into otherwise enthralling games are clearly oblivious to the fact that they add nothing to the experience other than to piss us off while we wait for the torture to end.