10 Insultingly Bad Video Game Movie Characters

Just... WHAT?!

Super Mario Goombas

Video game movies are notoriously hard to get right. As a matter of fact, there hasn't been a single good film yet.

We'll get there one day, but not if we keep following the design path we've been using - which looks like a child drew a character, put that drawing in a blender, flushed it down the toilet, and then showed his paint covered hands to someone. That difference between said child's hands and the original design is still less than in these movies.

For a more surreal example, Picasso was a fantastic painter - one who took beautiful images we've all seen before skewing them so deeply, so wonderfully, they don't resemble the original. And yet somehow, they do. None of these are at all like that. These are more like chewing up a steak, spitting it on someone's plate and claiming it's a burger.

All of these designs seem like the creators were dared to create something completely different than the original, and then convince their bosses, "Na, the fans will love it! It's the same person!"

10. Mario & Luigi

Super Mario Goombas
Buena Vista

Mario and Luigi. Two of video games premiere characters.

If you looked at that photo above, you would think it was a low rent porn parody of The Sopranos. At no point could someone convince you that it's a still from a movie adaptation of Super Mario Bros. Well, maybe -- you might believe that the two are looking at a Who Framed Roger Rabbits-esque animated Mario.

Except no. That's Mario and Luigi. Yes, Luigi isn't wearing green. No, the two of them do not look even kind of related. Mario is bald here, that's true. Both of them are gritty plumbers in Brooklyn who gain super boots and big freaking guns before fighting dinosaurs. That sounds like a great movie. You know what it doesn't sound like? Mario!

A colorful game about saving Princesses was turned into a Cronenberg film with its stars looking grittier than anyone in The Wire. It's completely baffling that this film was produced, written, directed, filmed, and then released and no one stopped them.


Tara Giovannini hasn't written a bio just yet, but if they had... it would appear here.